bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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