Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
