my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
