i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
