I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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