Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
