He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
