We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
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The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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