Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
