He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
