Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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