now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
