I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
