I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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