the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
