You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
