Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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