So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
