i think my tv is drunk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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