i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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