They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
