I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
