Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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