been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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