WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize