Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think your dad took our porno
don't judge my taste in strippers
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
