Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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