sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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