I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
