Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
