You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
