I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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