I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
