sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They have beer where we have blood.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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