Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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