girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
