Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
