i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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