I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
