is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
