i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
