the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Let's paint friendship bongs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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