Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
