You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
