I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
