my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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