if only i could text you this smell
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
