i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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