Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
