I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
