the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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