he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
