he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
