the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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