office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
