This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
