Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
as a side note pls kill me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
