So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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