She's JV to your varsity
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
