Where is the hickey?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
