Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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