they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
