we have officially lost it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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