Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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