I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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