i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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