Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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