No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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