he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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