Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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