would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
