never play flip cup with pint glasses
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
