i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
