If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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