Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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