I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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